I feel the need to tell you all how much I really want my phone to ring today. I want a call from the special needs department of my agency so badly today, it's unreal. When people feel this way, we are often filled with negative feelings and need to "vent". I too am so filled with emotion, but it's going in a new direction today! I have adopted from Korea before. It was the experience of a lifetime to say the very least. I want all of those wonderful things that follow a blessed referral, I'm just so ready for that phone to ring.
I want to get my phone call so that I can remember for decades exactly what I was doing when the phone rang. I want to scramble to fill out that acceptance packet, and worry my handwriting wasn't nice enough. I want to go to all of my favorite baby clothes web sites and put in her ht/wt to see what size she'll wear, and try to guess what size she'll be when she comes home. I can't wait to have a referral announcement made, and send it to all of my friends. Then I can't wait to take all of their phone calls a few days later with all of the loving and congratulatory well wishes! I can't wait to have a baby shower, one that has a theme heavily on Korean culture! I can't wait to start calling the NVC and DC numbers, to post a thread, "Guess who has VI?!" I can't wait to show her referral photo to anyone who will listen. I can't wait to go into my local Gymboree, and say I DO know what size I need!! I am so excited to send over a care package with things for her and her beloved foster mother, who I'm 100% sure will be a saint! I can't wait to get an "unexpected photo update" and put the newest photo into a locket. I can't wait to buy pink baby shower thank you's, and hopefully pass them out this time....
I can't wait for the phone to ring, one more time, from my social worker delivering her spry, and clever travel call (this will be her 3rd TC for me). I will cry, and be elated and everyone around me will think I got a terrible call, until I explain the tears of joy, and that I just got TC, and then everyone else will jump and shout, and cry happy tears! Then I will rush out shopping. I will go to Target and spend $75 on all new infant strength medicines (Tylenol, anti-gas, Motrin, etc..). I will call Earle. I can hardly wait to book those flights! Seeing the little lap ticket in her full Korean name will make me misty for so many different reasons. I can't wait to line up in LAX at the Korean Air terminal. To see the planes landing and taking off. To see the stunning flight attendants who match so well with each other that they even have on the same make-up, and to eaves drop trying to see if I can pick out a few Korean words from my limited but growing Korean language skills. I can't wait to land in Incheon and see the driver smiling holding a sign with our last name on it! I can't wait to go to our first appt., and see our beautiful baby's face for the first time. To see the pride of a thousand generations of Korean heritage in her eyes. I can't wait to thank the foster mother in person for all her dedication and love to this sweet child. I can't wait to see my daughter in the meetings that will follow, and to finally hold her in my arms forever. I will hold her and feel the the glow of being the proudest mother in the entire world at that very moment, and at that moment the whole world will stand still and in a planet with millions of people it will seem as if our family is the only one I can see. I can't wait to get my blue Holt bag, and love all of the cute things in it, the jammies, and the Holt bottles, etc. I can't wait to be in Korea again, the warm people, the buildings, palaces, having kimchi in Seoul! To see the Hangul on the neon street lights, to smell meats cooking along alleyways of bustling restaurants. To ride the subway to Insadong to choose the perfect heirloom piece of Celedon pottery I will give to my daughter on her wedding day. To be in Korea! To visit Ilsan. To spend time with the residents, and to pay my respects to the Holt's at their grave site, on a hill in Korea. To see where it all began, to feel the magnitude of the way they changed the world and made it possible for children with out family to become adopted. To see the miracle before my eyes. I can't wait to see my son's foster mother, and tell her how tall he is, and how much I love him. To tell her that he is happy and healthy, and thank her once more. Then I will be at the airport again. I always cry again here. I cry to leave the birth country. I think of the brave birth mother, and Korea. A few tears run down my cheeks, this is where my husband looks at me and says, "We are committed to raising our children to live something from their birth country daily." I will say "I know, but I am still sad". We will look at our daughter and express our comittment to making Korean culture important to our family life. I can't wait to hear the pilot say we're just about to land. I can't wait to see my children and family as we come down the corridor at the airport. The smiles the hugs and the tears! I can't wait to have our daughter meet the family that will cherish her and revere her for her entire life. I can't wait to be her mother!
I can hardly wait for that referral. It will be a beautiful day.